Blu-Tang Pan Pizza

This is just a short show-off post because I'm fucking addicted to making pizza.

Refer to the Pig Destroyer Pizza post for instructions on preparing the dough, the only difference with this pizza is my choice of toppings, and the shape of the base. Pretty fucking good, right?

So this pizza would live up to it's name I crumbled a tonne of blue cheese throughout the toppings, & splashed a shitload of Chipotle hotsauce over everything to give it a kick.
This pizza ain't nuthin' ta fuck wit!

 

From Fishes Fries

I fucking love fish and chips. It's one of the few traditionally British dishes that I can really get behind, and I find myself craving it a helluva lot. Unfortunately, despite living on an island, and thus surrounded by fish-filled oceans on all sides, the price of fish is fucking extortionate. But when the cravings get too much, you just need to bite the bullet, pay the price, and savour every last bite.

This week I found myself firmly in the grip of a severe craving for the flakiest fish, the thickest chips, and the crustiest batter I could get my teeth into, so here's the result; From Fishes Fries.

Here's what you'll need. This amount of ingredients serves 2 or 3 people, depending on your appetite.
I've gone for a half-kilo cod fillet, but you can use the fish of your choice, though haddock or cod would be your best bet for authentic British-style fish n' chips.

 

To mix up the crispiest, crustiest batter you'll need: 150g plain flour, 2 heaped teaspoons of baking powder, and about 120 ml of beer. I went for one of my favourites, the smokey, full-bodied Hoegaarden, but you can put whatever you want into the mix.

Mix it all in a bowl, thrashing it up to the consistency of a light whipped cream. You want it light enough to be able to permeate every contour of the fishy flakes, but a thick enough coating for it to sound like the world ending when you bite into it.

Keep the batter (and your beer!) cold while you do the rest of the prep work. Wash, peel and chop your potatoes into massive chunky fries, the give them a good soak for about 5 minutes.

Fire up your frying weapon of choice. The deep fat fryer I have is a temperamental piece of shit that sometimes just decides it's had enough, switches itself off, and refuses to turn back on again. Which is great fun, when you're left frantically trying to finish cooking your meal on other heat sources.

Anyway, crank it up to about 170 degrees and throw all your un-fried fries in there, and let simmer for a few minutes.

While that's going on, salt and pepper your fish fillets, before very lightly coating them in flour to soak up a little of the fish's natural oiliness.

What a fucking shit picture. Does not properly convey the fact the fish was like 1.5 inches thick.

With that done, you can remove your chips from their first scalding oil torture session. That's right, these fuckers are getting double-dipped!

What, you think I'm only gonna fry these once? No I will not, no fucking way!

Pop them on a tray, and leave 'em in the oven to dry out a little while you do your fish. Remove the beer batter from the fridge, and dunk your fillet right in there, making sure every last piece is thickly coated. Let it drip off a little before tossing it into either your fryer or a pan.

Give it about 5 minutes to crisp up and cook through, then remove it, place it on a greaseproof paper-covered tray, and stick it in the oven while you finish up your chips. Just another few minutes in the bubbling oil will ensure they're just the right mix between delicious and a cardiac event.

Remove them from the oil, toss 'em onto some kitchen roll for de-greasing, then sprinkle with rock salt.

Take your fish outta the oven, and serve the whole lot with a wedge of lemon and lashings of tartare sauce. Bon fucking appetit!

Incase the references weren't explicit enough, here's a serving of something with as much bite and crunch as the food, Nashville/Portland's finest; From Ashes Rise

Pig Destroyer pizza

I've been obsessed with making my own pizzas recently, since there ain't much else to do when you're unemployed except stretch out things that used to take you five minutes so you can kill a couple of hours. Experimenting with dough bases until you get it just right has taken up a vast amount of my time recently, and I'm always open to suggestions, so get at me with your dough tips!

I've also been trying to hunt down the best pulled pork I can get my teeth into for a few months, and the closest I came was enduring the laborious wait at London's Pitt Cue Co only to be struck by crippling stomach pain literally as soon as I got a seat. The very sight of the steaming, sauce-drenched mountain of pork on my tray as it arrived almost killed me, knowing I'd be pretty much unable to handle more than a mouthful. I've never been so remorseful over something as simple as lunch in my whole life, since I knew I'd pretty much never get another chance to eat there.

Anyway, so far pretty much all of the pizzas I've made have been veggie-only affairs, but with my desire for pork perfection re-ignited, I wanted to combine pulled pork and pizza, because... well, why the fuck not? So here it is: the Pig Destroyer pizza.

As well as all the stuff in that photo you'll also need a pressure cooker to cook your pork shoulder. Before that, hack up your shoulder (no, not your own) into manageable chunks.

Season with salt and pepper, then toss it into the frying pan to slightly brown it. Light a fire under your pressure cooker, squeeze in a very liberal dose of barbeque sauce, add a spoonful of mustard then throw in a chopped onion, all your pork chunks, and pour in most of a bottle of beer.

As it takes about an hour for the meat to soak in all that boozey goodness, you can then go about preparing your pizza dough in the meantime. Add two mugfuls of bread flour to a large bowl, then a teaspoonful of yeast. Create a well in the centre that you then pour another mug of warm water into, mixing it in with the flour until it has a good goopy texture. I meant to use beer for the dough too, but I... kind of drank it before I got the chance. Fuck it.

Once it's all mixed together into a nice malleable doughy blob, grab it by both hands and tear it apart like it was your worst fucking enemy. Knead it for about 5 minutes into a vaguely ball-shaped hunk of goop, flour it lightly and leave it to sit for about 20 minutes.

While the dough is settling and your pork is still stewing, prepare the rest of your toppings. These can obviously be anything you want, but I went for the chunkiest, most biteable veggies I could find, zuccini, mushroom and a single chilli pepper. Throw your veg onto a frying pan to lightly brown 'em, then set them aside for now.

Shred your mozzarella into small pieces before turning your attention back to your dough. Roll it out to fit whatever dish you're placing your pizza on, and if you're using anything other than a stone base, give the surface a good splash of oil to make sure your dough doesn't stick to it and ruin the whole thing, like what happened to my first couple of efforts.

Once it's reached about an hour since you started cooking the pork, you can turn off the heat and let your pressure cooker decompress. Remove the boozey meaty perfection and get shredding!

Preheat your oven to gas mark 7 (or equivalent) and once your base and all other ingredients is good to go, you can start piling on your toppings, sauce first, then veg, mozzarella, and finally your shredded pig remains. I added some rock salt to the exposed crust just to show off.

Pop your pizza in the oven for 20 minutes, turning it around 90 degrees every 5 minutes to bake it evenly. Remove, serve, devour!

Here's a slice of something just as meaty and crunchy as the pizza:

You can pre-order Pig Destroyer's forthcoming 'Book Burner' album here
http://www.relapse.com/pigbook

Wychwood Brewery

Lately I've been kind of obsessed with Wychwood Brewery's Hobgoblin beer. I find myself craving one just about every night, and as much as that makes me sound like I have some sort of drinking problem, its just that its been a while since I discovered a beer as delicious and satisfying that's readily available in Britain.

I miss being out on the road in Europe and being able to order just about any beer in any country, confident that it would beat the hell out of the piss-poor selection of tasteless carbonated lager available in most British pubs. One day I'll get around to compiling some sort of Top Ten list of my favourite beers from the continent that no-one will care about.

Anyway, after a good few bottles of Hobgoblin, I decided to see what else Wychwood have to offer. Luckily they made that very easy for me by selling these mini-crates of their four main beers!

I've drunk enough of the Hobgoblin that I can't really recall what my first impressions were when I first tasted it, except to say that I immediately loved it's strong, robust flavour, without the slightly sour mustiness of a lot of ales. I'm glad it's the most readily available of this range.

I was really looking forward to trying the Wychcraft as I love blonde beers, especially the crispy blonde from De Koningshoeven Brewery in the Netherlands, an authentic Trappist brewery. The Wychcraft blonde has a slightly sweeter, smoother kick, it's almost banana-y. It goes down easier than what I can remember of the blondes I had on the continent (and no, that's not a double entendre). I'd definitely demolish a few of these if I can get my hands on them!

I tried the Goliath next, cracking it open and immediately digging the aroma wafting out of the bottleneck, but it was a little light in terms of taste, at least compared to the previous 2 beers of the evening, then I noticed it only packs a 4.2% punch. This beer needs an accompaniment, and it definitely works well as a thirst-slayer when you're demolishing some food on the side.

Last up was the Scarecrow, an 'organic pale ale'. If this is the organic beer, what goes into the others? Are they brewed by robots using old battery acid and genetically engineered hops? [I apologise for the terrible attempts at humour, I was slightly (very) drunk when I scrawled out the notes for this review]
It sure tastes good n' wholesome, a perfect smooth, flavourful way to end the evening.

Blurriness provides accurate portrayal of my vision by the end of the four beers.

I still make no pretense that I actually know anything about beer in a technical sense, but I know what I like, and that's beer and ale with character, which is exactly what Wychwood Brewery offers!

Check out the brewery's awesome website for information about all their beers, as well as pretty good competitions and other stuff here:
http://www.wychwood.co.uk/#/home//hobgoblin/home

You can order all these beers as well as t-shirts, glasses and tankards from Wychwood's online shop:
http://www.wychwood-shop.co.uk/

Beerislava

Coming to you live from Bratislava, Slovakia, it's the completely unhyped and unmissed return of beer reviews that tell you nothing about anything! I don't know how long the internet in this hotel room will hold up, so I'm just gonna get right into it.

But first you should read this article that explains a little about Slovak beer http://travel.spectator.sme.sk/articles/1231/how_to_read_a_slovak_beer_label

I picked up the Kozel because it has a picture of a happy goat holding a big jug of beer, and it just doesn't get any better than that does it?I say this about most beers I like, but the smell when I crack it open is an awesome smokey pungeance. High hopes! The first swig is pretty average, but it's not bad, and I'll doubtless drink a couple more of these during my stay here. I'm okay with that.
This is 10 Plato things, so it's a relatively weak beer, alcohol content-wise, but it's still full of flavour, dry and wheaty. Damn good first beer, hope the others are as tasty!

Next is the weird smiling monk beer, Smadny Mnich. Soon as I pop the top the smell fills the hotel room. Whoah. The taste isn't as overpowering as the smell. In fact, there ain't a lot of taste, just fizziness. I'll give it a few more sips...Nah, it just ain't happening, too bland. Ah well.

Last beer of the evening is Kelt, which has a cool-as-fuck label, sporting a Viking helmet. Badass. Let's hope it tastes it.It has a meaty odour, though my girl reckons it smells like stem ginger cookies. Huh. Well, here's hoping it tastes like neither of those!
Phew, this is the strongest yet, despite being another only 10% Plato units (4.2% actual alcohol), a real robust flavour. Quite bitter aftertaste too, though I'm undecided as to wether that's a good thing or not yet. A couple more swallows and I decide it's a not-bad thing.

Though I probably wouldn't get any of these beers again, I enjoy trying new varieties every day while I'm on the road. If anyone has any suggestions for good Hungarian beers, I'll be there for a week starting tomorrow, so get at me!
designosaur at live dot com
Cheers!