Grill 'em All!

For starters, I would like to apologise to the girl who partially inspired this post, since she's spent the weekend longing for barbeque food and steak.
So me, being the absolute prick that I am, decided 'hey, I know, I should totally have a barbeque and cook steak on it!'.

Disclaimers and apologies aside, I do genuinely LOVE barbeque season, which for me lasts pretty much from the first day there's still daylight past 7pm, pretty much up until the first snowfall of that winter. I think last summer I must've set some kind of record by attending barbeques for EVERY dinner for just over two weeks. Seriously, even if it was someone I didn't know who was hosting it, I got to know 'em pretty damn quick when I showed up at their home bearing dead animal parts and exotic sauces.
So I never pass on the opportunity to start fires outdoors, and tonight was my first of 2011.

It should go without saying that the first thing you do is fire up your grill. If you use firelighters, or that scooshy liquid shit, you should have your fucking FACE barbequed, you cheating motherfucker. Either charcoal ONLY, or use blocks of chopped wood, anything as close to 'natural' fire as you can get, because that other shit gives off an awful chemical odour, and will make your meat taste of deodorant. Fucking vomit.

So yeah, incase you're completely fucking numb in the brain, the most obvious choices for barbeque-ing are STEAK & BURGS! I usually come up with some extremely booze-sodden meat monstrosities, and tonight was no exception. I blew what little I had left of this weeks food budget on the biggest steaks I could find, and didn't think they should be sullied with just any old swill, I was gonna go all out for these babys:

Yep, any of you who actually read this sensory-serving, starvation-solving, solipsistic, salivation-inspiring soliloquys (yeah, I'm a pretentious, overly-verbose cunt, fight me about it) who know your bourbons will know that this shit just got SRS! Woodford Reserve will burn your throat and blacken your lungs, and is not for the faint-hearted. So I poured a pretty goddamn decent measure of it into the craters I carved on my steak.

I also figured I would (yet a-fucking-gain) make my own burgers. Insert previous blog entries about that process here. I did pull a Frankenstein and create some fuckin' MONSTERS tonight though!

So basically the prep work takes up all your time with barbequing, because once your meat is set to go, and your flames are licking your grill tray, all you gotta do is introduce them!

It's as easy as that, just keep a very careful eye on your steaks if you're like me and like 'em pretty much just bloody as all hell. When I bite into a steak, I want to hear that fucker moo. A figure about a minute for one side, and 30 second on the other is optimal, but if you're against mild bestial vampirism, cook it for a while longer. Pussy.

Yes, thats a strawberry milkshake, sofuckinwhat? There's enough bourbon soaked into the meat to get me nice and drunken. Drunk on carcass, life don't get much sweeter.

Just a short intoduction to a couple of guys you should already be familiar with if you're reading this blog, and thus probably already into metal and food, the awesome GRILL 'EM ALL foodtruck, out of Los Angeles, California. I can't tell you anything this video won't, but safe to say this truck is the ONLY reason I would ever visit Cali. Enjoy, and get salivating!