Suicidal Recipes: October 2012

I've been obsessed with making my own pizzas recently, since there ain't much else to do when you're unemployed except stretch out things that used to take you five minutes so you can kill a couple of hours. Experimenting with dough bases until you get it just right has taken up a vast amount of my time recently, and I'm always open to suggestions, so get at me with your dough tips!

I've also been trying to hunt down the best pulled pork I can get my teeth into for a few months, and the closest I came was enduring the laborious wait at London's Pitt Cue Co only to be struck by crippling stomach pain literally as soon as I got a seat. The very sight of the steaming, sauce-drenched mountain of pork on my tray as it arrived almost killed me, knowing I'd be pretty much unable to handle more than a mouthful. I've never been so remorseful over something as simple as lunch in my whole life, since I knew I'd pretty much never get another chance to eat there.

Anyway, so far pretty much all of the pizzas I've made have been veggie-only affairs, but with my desire for pork perfection re-ignited, I wanted to combine pulled pork and pizza, because... well, why the fuck not? So here it is: the Pig Destroyer pizza.

As well as all the stuff in that photo you'll also need a pressure cooker to cook your pork shoulder. Before that, hack up your shoulder (no, not your own) into manageable chunks.

Season with salt and pepper, then toss it into the frying pan to slightly brown it. Light a fire under your pressure cooker, squeeze in a very liberal dose of barbeque sauce, add a spoonful of mustard then throw in a chopped onion, all your pork chunks, and pour in most of a bottle of beer.

As it takes about an hour for the meat to soak in all that boozey goodness, you can then go about preparing your pizza dough in the meantime. Add two mugfuls of bread flour to a large bowl, then a teaspoonful of yeast. Create a well in the centre that you then pour another mug of warm water into, mixing it in with the flour until it has a good goopy texture. I meant to use beer for the dough too, but I... kind of drank it before I got the chance. Fuck it.

Once it's all mixed together into a nice malleable doughy blob, grab it by both hands and tear it apart like it was your worst fucking enemy. Knead it for about 5 minutes into a vaguely ball-shaped hunk of goop, flour it lightly and leave it to sit for about 20 minutes.

While the dough is settling and your pork is still stewing, prepare the rest of your toppings. These can obviously be anything you want, but I went for the chunkiest, most biteable veggies I could find, zuccini, mushroom and a single chilli pepper. Throw your veg onto a frying pan to lightly brown 'em, then set them aside for now.

Shred your mozzarella into small pieces before turning your attention back to your dough. Roll it out to fit whatever dish you're placing your pizza on, and if you're using anything other than a stone base, give the surface a good splash of oil to make sure your dough doesn't stick to it and ruin the whole thing, like what happened to my first couple of efforts.

Once it's reached about an hour since you started cooking the pork, you can turn off the heat and let your pressure cooker decompress. Remove the boozey meaty perfection and get shredding!

Preheat your oven to gas mark 7 (or equivalent) and once your base and all other ingredients is good to go, you can start piling on your toppings, sauce first, then veg, mozzarella, and finally your shredded pig remains. I added some rock salt to the exposed crust just to show off.