A pub that doesn't assault your ears with 1000bpm computer music (is there any more useless profession than the pub DJ?), where the staff don't sigh with exasperation every time you order another drink (hey, not like it's their JOB or anything, right? oh, wait...), and the powder-nosed clientele don't stare at you with thinly-veiled desire to slit some pretty big holes into your skin.
A man can dream. Or just move outta central Scotland.
Anyway, where was I...?
Yeah, so one of the UPSIDES to Scotland is that we do actually happen to have some pretty damn good independent breweries. Perhaps leading the charge of the new generation of brewers who want to make new, exciting, fun and experimental beers, are Brewdog.
I won't go into their history or any of that, if you're that fucking interested, abandon reading this and visit their site instead at http://www.brewdog.com/
Anyway, they have a whole tonne of drastically different beers on offer, I thought for the purposes of this 'review', and for the purposes of gettin drunk on a tight budget, I'd choose the cheapest, most basic 4, which are available in most good stores UK-wide.
So yeah, all their beers have slightly nonsensical names, but I'm such a sucker for packaging that of course beers with 'hardcore' and 'punk' in the name are gonna catch my eye. Anyway, here goes...
First up I'm going with the Punk IPA. Which is kinda cheating, because I actually drink this a lot. But that kinda tells ya somethin, right? It's a damn delicious beer, that's what it tells you.
However, I have introduced it to other people, who haven't been quite as enamoured as I am. I'll admit, it does have a very... distinctive taste upon first sip. It's quite hard to describe, as you'll know from any previous 'reviews' of mine that you mighta read, I'm fucking shite at conveying what the beers are actually like further than 'durrrrh, I like it because it is beer and it is good and I like good beer guuuurrrrh'.
I want to say it's almost fruity, but that's so damn inaccurate... but it just has this slightly sweet, organic, natural taste to it. It's really smooth, but still has a little kick to it, a nice refreshing fizz. I could throw adjectives at it all day, but it'd take less of your time to just go buy a bottle. So... y'know, do that.
Naturally, I'm drinking chronologically, and following punk with hardcore.
Whooooah, this lives up to it's name! After the first slug hit me like a delicious fist, I checked the percentage, this shit's 9.2%, not half bad! The taste is real strong, and it takes a couple of swigs to actually figure out what kinda taste it actually HAS. It's a real dry, slightly bitter beer, but somehow very distinct from a traditional pale ale.
The label is pretty good (yeah, I'm buzzed enough already to start sitting grinning and staring at the bottle), using phrases like 'robustly delicate toffee malt canvas' and a whole bunch of colourful descriptions and pretentious bullshit... which I dig! I'm not sure how 'robustly delicate' it is, but I can say that it's a damn savoury beverage which will kick your ass after just 2 or 3 bottles.
Next up: 77 Lager.
In comparison to the last heavy hitter, this beer is pretty damn lightweight. Halfway through the last one, I found myself sitting in front of the TV, watching Indianda Jones and the Temple of Doom, and finding the shurnken and shrivelled monkey's heads they served for dinner really appetizing. So yeah, dangerous drunkeneness. But this bottle is a lot tamer, but just as tastey. This bottle is definitely more of just... a standard beer, no real distinctive traits other than it's an average beer, but it's a damn finely brewed one!
Lastly, and as ever, by no means least, is the 5am Saint. By now, extenuating circumstances have put a decent gap of 2 hrs between this beer and the last, so I'm pretty sobered up for starting it. First impressions are... good! It's another smooth one, not much of a kick at all. I wonder why they call it the 5am Saint. I reckon this would be pretty good as a 'wind-down' beer after a pretty heavy night. Get home at 5am, there's this little beauty chillin in the fridge waiting for ya, the perfect nightcap. Which even though I'm far from going to sleep, even at 1am, it kind of is for me. As a last beer of the night, this works perfectly.
So yeah, somehow I DIDN'T end up wasted by the end of that little escapade. That's gotta be a first for this blog!
There is literally no connection between this band, this clip, and the beers I chose to drink, except a hastily-assembled pun post title, and the fact they just happened to be what I was blasting when I started drinking tonight.
