Saturday, 28 August 2010

Beer-ache Wreck-ords

I am either the best or the worst person to go food shopping with. I'm like the hyperactive, sugar-ridden child who walks along every aisle screaming "MUUUUUM, CANWEGETTHISCEREALLOOKITHASADRACULAONIT!!!", except I am like this with EVERYTHING!

Go to the spice aisle, I'll get over-excited and pick up like 5 jars of things you've never heard of it and proclaim them to be the best thing ever.
Go to the dairy aisle and I'll pick up like 16 different types of spreadable cheese that I'm guaranteed to eat right outta the tub.
Go to the booze aisle, or any decent liquor store, and I am the definition of Kid In A Candy Shop. Apart from vodka and sambuca, I will drink ANYTHING, especially if someone else is buying/driving me home.
So it was with this in mind that today I figured I should expand my favourite drinks repertoire even further, and buy a few different beers I'd never tried before, or if I had, I was too drunk to remember trying. I settled on these four sexy specimens:


Bacchus Cherry beer: the most expensive, yet the smallest of the 4, I have high hopes for this as it's wrapped in paper. yeah, my criteria are that weird.
Budvar 'Czech Original Budweiser': I got this as I'd seen it around at venues and pubs, but never asked for it incase they gave me ordinary Budweiser, which I fucking hate with a passion. Can't be worse than American Bud, that's for sure.
Asahi 'Super Dry' Japanese beer: I chose this based on my massive beerboner for other Oriental boozes such as Tiger beer and Tsing Tao, I figured if it's even half as good as those then I'm in for a treat.
Crabbie's Alchoholic Ginger Beer: I'd first heard of this due to the TV ad featuring some '50s housewife-style stone-cold fox. Ever since I saw that and calmed myself down, I've been dying to neck on of these beauties. I freakin' love ginger beer.

For the purposes of amusing blogging, I'll type out my reviews as I drink each beer, and with any luck I'll get progressively less coherent, and progressively more riled up and beer-crazy.

First up, the Asahi.
This is a pretty smooth beer, it's going down incredibly easy since I warmed up my drinking muscles with a Corona with dinner. It's real smooth, but the word zesty keeps springing to mind, so I guess it's 'zesty' too. Really light, in the way that you could imagine gettin a 6-pack of these 500ml badboys and having a damn good night as a result. Not in any way bitter, or overly 'european' tasting. this would RULE accompanying a meal.

Next up is the Crabbies.
Wow, this went down like a sack of potatoes. I seriously rattled through this in under 10 minutes, and I'm reasonably sure it's a 500ml-er as well. tastes just like regular ginger beer, except with a weird aroma, maybe? like it reminds me of something but fuck knows what. I could easily drink a few of these in work and no-one would notice. n fact, fuck it, that's what I'll do when i go back, as an experiment. I have a major sweet-tooth, as anyone who actually knows me can attest to. I'm guessing the reason I keep having to go in for fillings and tooth removals is because I put away about 3 cans of (non-alchoholic) ginger beer a day. you can FEEL that shit rotting your enamal. but goddamn do I love it.

3rd up, the Budvar.
this comes in a green glass bottle, which worries me. I fucking hate booze outta a green bottle. I have my reasons. on first sip, it's easily the most beer-y beer of the night. like, it has much more of a TANG to it, more of a slightly yeasty sour kick. or something, I know nothing about the technicalities of beer. strangely, it's going down easier than any beer from a green bottle has any right to. this pisses me the fuck off. i WANT to hate this beer, but I just can't bring myself to it. it's from the czech republic, which makes me soften to it, because I wanna hang in prague like nothin else, and this beer might be a good... thing. these bottles are all 500ml. fuck.

final boss! Bacchus, you motherfucker.
ok, by now I'm preeeeetty pretty buzzed. not drunk, by any stretch of the imagination (although it did take some fuckineffort to type imagination), but nicely buzzed.
usually, at this point in my blood-alchohol level I'll call up a friend to take me into the city so I can play roullette and poker (badly) til 7am. but not tonight, because there's fuckin work to do, goddamnit. the world needs to know how sweet these beers are, and by god, I'm gonna tell em. you motherfuckers, keeping me a way from my gambling habit.
uh, right, so, the beer! I'm on the firsst sip, and I already feel the same way you do when you're in love, or you just really wanna get laid. I can say with confidence that this bottle is gonna rule, despite being the smalllest of the lot. glug. I can imagine lying in a grassy park, slugging down a few of these beautys and shouting abuse at families. shit. this is a beautiful beer. I kinda don;t want it to end. because I have no more booze in my house, except for some sewrious fuckin bourbon, and I don;t think I'll survive another night. if I have international readers, you better hope and pray that your nearest liqquor store in whatever-the-fuck-country stocks BACCHUS CHERRY BEER, because it's beautiful. like an alchoholic dessert. mmmmm.

oh yeah, here's that ad that gives me a serious chub:


FREE THINKER, BEER DRINKER.

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